I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
