if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It all started with a game of naked twister.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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