you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
