We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
