Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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