chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
