Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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