We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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