just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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