I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
