My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
