the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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