i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
