First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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