So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Never joke about your clitoris.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
