My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
