You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
