just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
