I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
