Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
its liver damage thursday
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
