She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
