if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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