You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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