I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
