i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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