do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
