smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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