I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
