omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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