Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
