I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
