worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
