And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
