it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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