Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
