i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
