I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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