Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
