Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm really busy with my period
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