she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
