remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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