I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I could fuck to npr.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
