If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
