i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
