Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
