Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
