ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
