Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
