it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
