i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i drank out of a bidet.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
