I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
