Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
