I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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