I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
