It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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