Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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